


Nailed By Louis

by haztobegood



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Enemies to Lovers, Face-Fucking, Food Blogger Harry, Instagram, Louis Tomlinson Can't Cook, M/M, Social Media, and beef wellington for good measure, chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-19 07:30:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22874044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haztobegood/pseuds/haztobegood
Summary: It had started as a joke, just two months earlier. Louis had tried to make recipe from HarrySizzles Instagram account. It looked doable: no strange ingredients, no scary kitchen machinery. Just a simple layered lettuce salad. The result had been catastrophic. His friends had laughed so hard at the disgusting appearance of his salad, and after a few drinks, Louis had been convinced to start his own Instagram to track his food failures.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 80
Kudos: 482





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by [this prompt](https://jaerie.tumblr.com/post/190282398957/jaerie-someone-please-write-me-an-au-where-harry) by jaerie. Chapter 2 was originally posted on [my tumblr](https://haztobegood.tumblr.com/post/190284473908/ive-been-doing-the-366-days-of-writing-challenge).

Harry removes his pie from the oven and sets it on the waiting cooling rack. His kitchen is filled with the aroma of baking peaches and warm cinnamon. He tosses the pot holders onto the counter. As the pie cools, he sets up his makeshift photo studio on his breakfast bar. He arranges some pie-related props he’d selected. He has a few peaches left from this bake and he adds them to the spread, placing them so they will be in the background, out of focus but still recognizable. After that, Harry takes a few practice shots, making small tweaks to the set up and adjusting the lighting until everything is just right.

Once the pie has cooled, Harry cuts it into eight even segments. The first slice never comes out perfect, so he scoops it onto a spare plate. It holds together fairly well, except for a large section of the decoratively crimped crust that breaks off. 

With the first slice out of the way, Harry can finally see how his hours of prep and baking have paid off. The crust is a perfect golden brown, the filling holds its shape. The peach and apricot filling still holds the warm yellow coloring of the ripe fruits. The pie looks delicious. He slides his pie server very gently under the perfectly baked crust. No soggy bottoms here. He thinks he could make it on Great British Bake Off if he tried. But, he’s not used to showing his face, preferring to let his food speak for itself.

He transfers the slice to a white porcelain plate. He centers the slice and borrows a bit of crust of the first slice to add a few choice crumbs to the plate. The crumbs make the photo composition more interesting and keeps the food from looking too staged. Small details like that keep his Instagram posts looking simple and approachable.

He checks the plate over once more before setting it in the center of his prepared photoset. He looks through the viewfinder and begins snapping photos. Harry takes multiple shots, varying the angles, rearranging the props, and making minor changes to the camera’s setting.

When Harry can’t think of anymore angles, he looks through the images he’s captured. He flips through the images on the camera’s digital display. With a little editing, some probably wouldn’t look out of place in a glossy magazine. Satisfied that he’s captured the essence of his pie in his photos, Harry dismantles his makeshift photo studio and stores the leftover pie in the fridge. He puts his model slice in the fridge too, just in case he needs to retake any pictures. 

Then, Harry settles in to edit. As he waits for the photos to transfer from his SD card to his hard drive, Harry enjoys the spare slice of pie. The pie crust is the ideal mix of crisp and flaky. The bright flavors of fresh fruit contrast with the warmth of the cinnamon. It’s an impressive bake, if Harry dares compliment himself.

He is scraping the final morsels from the plate by the time the upload is complete. He looks through the files and opens his favorite in Photoshop. From there, it’s just a few quick edits and a square crop and then the photo is ready to post. It takes a bit longer for him to type out his caption, including the recipe and appropriate hashtags. 

Within the hour he has everything ready to go. He does one last spell check and clicks Share. 

The process of sharing his kitchen creations to Instagram regularly is a lot of work. But he’s proud of the little community of followers he’s gathered over the past two years of posting to HarrySizzles. He even got his first sponsorship last month. It’s rewarding to make a little money from his hobby. 

A few days later, Harry is skimming through his comments when he keeps seeing a name pop up. @NailedByLouis. There are dozens of comments, telling Harry to check out the account. Curious, he clicks the handle and the link opens to the account. 

The description reads “I’m a nightmare in the kitchen” and the account is filled with some of the worst food fails Harry has seen. From a charred attempt at shrimp scampi to an alfredo sauce with the consistency of skim milk, each dish was worse than the last. And if his cooking was terrible, his baking was even worse. From the rainbow swirl cake that turned out a sludgy brown color from too-thin batter to the paradise slice that was completely burnt and flat, he found a way to fail even the simplest of recipes. A sense of morbid curiosity has him looking through the posts. 

There is something strange and familiar about the posts, even if he’s sure he has never seen these terrible attempts before. And he still can’t figure out why so many people had told him to check out the account in the first place. It isn’t until he reads through the comments on the latest post that he figures it out. Someone had commented “Every time @harrysizzles posts I can’t wait to see how badly @NailedByLouis messes up 😂😂😂”

He connects the dots and realizes that the posts on NailedByLouis mirror his posts. He flips to and from his account confirming that for every recipe he posts, NailedByLouis shares a terrible recreation of his own. There are over twenty separate posts that this imposter has copied in the past two months. 

What really infuriates Harry, though, is the number of likes and followers. Somehow, this account has managed to outperform his with these shitty recreations. It’s clear that they aren’t concerned with professional lighting and editing of their posts. There’s no artistry behind it.

It is almost as if Louis was mocking the carefully crafted posts. Harry does not want to be mocked for his efforts, especially after two years of tirelessly creating new content and developing a group of followers that enjoyed his content. He definitely does not want some wanker to step in and steal his success for a few laughs.

He’ll have to keep an eye on this NailedByLouis account.

* * *

It’s Pancake Day and Harry has a simple recipe ready to go.

He has all the ingredients ready to go and his little photo studio set up. He whips up the plain batter quick and cooks the entire batch. For the photo, Harry arranges two round pancakes and a wedge of lemon on the plate. He finishes plating with an artful dusting of icing sugar. Then he snaps a picture. With such a simple recipe, he chooses a simple composition. The top-down view of the food plays off the roundness of the pancakes on the circular plate. It takes a few tries, as it’s challenging to get everything to look just the way he wants.

As he cleans up his kitchen, his mind drifts to Louis. He wonders how Louis could possibly screw up such a basic recipe. He’s almost angry thinking about how much food Louis has wasted just to get some laughs. 

Later that day, when he sees the picture Louis posts, he can’t bite his tongue any longer. It’s been two months of relentless hate for his blog. His comments had continued to be filled with Louis' username now that he was getting more recognition. It infuriates Harry. 

In a moment of rage, Harry throws his phone across the room. It hits the floor and lands facedown. The action is enough to distract him from the fury that NailedByLouis has lit in him and he crosses the room to retrieve his phone. Luckily, he hasn’t cracked the screen but the Instagram app is still open to the infuriating pancakes. 

He needs to put a stop to this madness. Harry types out a message to NailedByLouis, tapping aggressively at the onscreen keyboard.

 **harrysizzles:** Really? Are you trying to be that terrible?

Then, he presses send.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a rebloggable version of the [Instagram edit](https://haztobegood.tumblr.com/post/618000538329546752/someone-had-commented-every-time-harrysizzles) on tumblr.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 was originally posted on [my tumblr](https://haztobegood.tumblr.com/post/190284473908/ive-been-doing-the-366-days-of-writing-challenge).

“Pancake day ….” Louis types into the caption box. Satisfied, he adds all his standard hashtags and then posts. The fork scratches against the plate as he slices off a bite of the pancake. He spears the soggy pancake with the tines. It flops over itself sadly as he brings it up to his mouth. It tastes just as horrible as it looks. Louis swallows the claggy bite of pancake and washes it down with a swig of cold tea left in his mug. 

He sighs heavily as he tosses the plate of pancakes into the trash in defeat. How can pancakes be both burnt and still doughy. He probably broke some law of cooking physics. 

Louis sighs and scours the fridge for some food that he can’t ruin. He grabs a yogurt cup and takes a seat at the breakfast bar. The foil lid peels back, leaving stuck bits behind on the plastic. Spoon in one hand, phone in the other, and some food finally in his ravenous stomach, Louis is ready to see the response to his new post. 

He opens Instagram up to a deluge of notifications, the regular followers all leaving likes and comments on the post of his failed attempt at pancakes. The response is promising so far, so he returns to the original post. The image of beautiful round golden pancakes mocks him when he opens the harrysizzles account. They were the inspiration for what should have been delicious, simple pancakes. The image had been just 2 hours ago, according to the app, and already had over 1500 likes. Louis’ own post was surely catching up. It still amazes him after all this time that his NailedByLouis account has gained so many followers just for making fun of his own ineptitudes. Apparently, he’s relatable or something. 

It had started as a joke, just two months earlier. Louis had to bring a dish to share at his friend’s holiday potluck. He’d discovered a simple enough recipe on harrysizzles account. It looked doable: no strange ingredients, no scary kitchen machinery. Just a simple layered lettuce salad. The result had been catastrophic. His friends had laughed so hard at the disgusting appearance of his salad, and after a few drinks, Louis had been convinced to start his own Instagram to track his food failures. 

Louis closes out of the original harrysizzles post to respond to his own comments. People are loving the on theme Pancake Day content. Just as he’s about to put down his phone and throw away his empty yogurt cup, a private message comes through. Harrysizzles sent him a message. 

In the two months of recreating Harry’s posts for the laughs, Harry has never once interacted with his content. He didn’t even know if Harry had been aware of his account. Louis nervously opens the message, not sure what to expect. 

**harrysizzles:** Really? Are you trying to be that terrible?

Louis laughs, Harry seems to be taking the piss. He can’t blame him. His pancakes really were tragic, if they can even can be considered pancakes. 

**NailedByLouis:** I’m probably more disappointed than you. I couldn’t even eat them 😭😭😭

 **harrysizzles:** Well maybe if you stopped wasting time mocking my content, you’d have time to make yourself some decent food.  
Wait, had Louis misread his tone? Was Harry upset at him? Louis fumbled for a response, but eventually landed on one.

**NailedByLouis:** Somehow I burnt them and they were still doughy 😫 

**harrysizzles:** Obviously your heat was too high

Louis does not appreciate that snippy attitude. He fires back.

 **NailedByLouis:** Fuck you Mr. Know-it-all. Not all of us are great at cooking you know 🖕

The three dots appear as Harry types a response. Louis holds his breath for minutes until the response finally appears.

 **harrysizzles:** Oh…

 **harrysizzles:** You really can’t cook???


	3. Chapter 3

**NailedByLouis:** Fuck you Mr. Know-it-all. Not all of us are great at cooking you know 🖕

Oh. 

Oh no. 

Harry has been so caught up in the possibility that someone was making fun of his account that he never considered other possibilities. Harry realizes how badly he has screwed up as he rereads the string of messages.

Harry is bombarded with emotions; he is ashamed of his rudeness toward a stranger, confused at how badly he has messed up, frustrated that he ended up in this predicament in the first place. He sighs and buries his face in his hands. 

He doesn’t need a thread on Reddit to know that he is the asshole in this situation. He has to fix this and apologize. 

He watches the cursor blinking back at him, unsure of what to write. Apologies are hard, even when they are necessary. But, he needs to respond soon so Louis doesn’t think he is ghosting him after such a rude conversation. That’s not who he is. He’s never been rude online before, prides himself on always being kind to others, especially on social media.

 **harrysizzles:** Oh…  
**harrysizzles:** You really can’t cook??? 

He hopes that he can diffuse the situation while working up to an apology that adequately transmits how awful he feels. 

**NailedByLouis:** Of course not. I’m terrible at making anything more than toast

 **harrysizzles:** I’m so so so sorry. I didn’t realize you were being genuine. I thought someone was trying to make fun of my account. I should not have assumed that was what you were trying to do. I’m sorry for being so rude to you. 

**NailedByLouis:** Making fun of you? No I was making fun of myself 🙃

 **harrysizzles:** I get that now. But when I first saw your account a few weeks ago, I jumped to conclusions, and then you kept posting and the idea that you were parodying my work just built up. I made the pancakes today as a test. I thought pancakes would be too easy to mess up on purpose. But I guess you truly are horrible 

**NailedByLouis:** Hey! I thought you were done being mean :(

 **harrysizzles:** Sorry, it’s just I thought pancakes were foolproof. Everybody makes pancakes!

 **NailedByLouis:** Not me. Last time I tried to make them I nearly burnt my house down

Louis continues, detailing the unfortunate circumstances that led to setting his stove on fire. Harry is nearly in stitches as he reads Louis’ messages. Laughing about Louis’ pancake disaster cuts through the tension between them. The conversation flows easily as Harry types out how he discovered NailedByLouis and Louis recounts the doomed potluck salad that led to the creation of the account. 

The conversation doesn’t stop there. They continue exchanging messages throughout the week. The next time Harry posts, he is excited to see what Louis will share. He checks Louis’ account frequently until the newest post is finally uploaded.

Louis’ beef wellington is fantastically bad. Looking at the sad, overcooked beef wrapped in soggy undercooked pastry, Harry is ecstatic. He barks out a laugh and hits the little heart to like the photo.

Harry had purposely chosen a difficult beef wellington recipe to taunt Louis. The recipe required a mix of both cooking and baking techniques and a good dose of patience. 

That afternoon, Louis had messaged Harry with an endless string of questions, complaints, and curses. Harry had a good laugh at Louis’ increasingly flabbergasted messages and he dodged every one of Louis’ questions and pleas for advice. It wouldn’t be in the spirit of Louis’ account if Harry helped him out. 

He follows Louis. Within seconds, Louis follows him back.

Later that night as he reads through the comments on his beef wellington post, it seems that some of his most observant followers have realized they followed each other at the same time. A few of the comments discuss the possibility that harrysizzles and NailedByLouis might know each other. Another comment even suggests that they would fall in love.

That comment shocks a laugh from Harry. He doesn’t even know what Louis looks like, or how old they are, or where they live. It seems like a reach that they would fall in love. With that crazy thought, Harry closes out of the app and gets ready for bed. 

He wakes up the next morning to find a message from Louis waiting for him. He opens it while brewing a pot of coffee. He spends the rest of his morning chatting with Louis. And he begins to wonder about him. Where does Louis live? What does Louis look like? Through their messages, he is able to figure out that Louis lives somewhere near Manchester and that they’re around the same age. But, Harry still doesn’t know how to ask for a selfie. 

Harry’s curiosity is only fueled further by the continued speculation in the comments. After they followed each other, even more people joined in the speculation. It seems that everyone wants to add their two cents on the possibility that harrysizzles and NailedByLouis are dating. 

It takes Harry three days to come up with a plan. 

He is very close to reaching a milestone in followers. The relationship rumors swirling around in his comments seem to attract people to his account. For the post commemorating the milestone, Harry makes confetti cupcakes. The white cake is speckled with rainbow sprinkles and encased in rainbow striped liner. A swirl of bright green icing is adorned with the same rainbow sprinkles. They are adequately festive for a celebration. 

He takes the picture with himself holding the colorful cupcake in his outstretched hand. The cupcake takes up most of the shot, with him smiling in the background. He is nearly out of focus, keeping the cupcake as the focal point of the shot. He’s still not entirely comfortable putting his face out there, but curiosity wins out and he hopes Louis will reciprocate with his own cupcake selfie. 

Two and a half days after Harry posts the cupcake selfie, he is getting worried. Louis typically posts within a day of Harry’s post, and they’d been messaging a lot less too. Maybe Harry scared him away. Harry spends hours debating if he should ask Louis why he hasn’t posted, but in the end decides to wait it out. 

Harry is lying in bed when the notification finally comes through. Harry can’t hold in his laugh when he sees the image. Louis is in much the same position as he was, in the back with his arm stretched out toward the camera. But, his face is pulled into a disappointed grimace and the cupcake is dripping its radioactive blue icing into his palm. The sprinkles sag sadly through the puddles of frosting. Other than the mess of frosting, the cupcake looks alright. It was clearly frosted when it was still warm. 

Harry shakes his head as a small smile pulls up the corners of his mouth. Harry is endeared by the disastrous cupcake as much as he is endeared by the attractive man holding it. 

Even with his face scrunched up, Louis is cute. Harry stares too long at the blurry image, until the vibration of a new message coming in startles him out of his reverie. 

**NailedByLouis:** What’d you think???

 **harrysizzles:** You definitely made a mess 😂 Should’ve let them cool

 **NailedByLouis:** Don’t worry, I cleaned up the mess

Before Harry types out a response, Louis sends another. This time it is a picture. A selfie of Louis licking the blue frosting from his fingers. It is so suggestive, nearly pornographic, the way Louis is staring straight into the camera. Harry drops his phone on his face. 

“Ow,” Harry whines as he picks up his phone and looks again. Did Louis intend for that picture to look like that? It’s a much clearer selfie than the one posted publicly. Harry notices a few tattoos on Louis’ wrist, the sharp line of his jaw, his piercing blue stare. Everything about the flirty picture turns Harry on. Blood rushes south as unbidden visions come to mind of what else those fingers, or that tongue, could do to him. He shifts around on his bed, surprised to realize he is getting hard from just one selfie. Harry’s heart races and his palms are damp as he types. 

**harrysizzles:** I’m not sure anything about that is clean

 **NailedByLouis:** Maybe next time you should be here to help me clean up ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**HarrySizzles:** I’m not sure anything about that is clean

Louis smiles and lets out the tense breath he’d been holding. His heart had been in his throat from the moment he’d pressed send until Harry’s response came through. 

He’d taken a chance sending the selfie of him licking frosting from his fingers. Despite messaging for two weeks, he wasn’t positive that Harry would appreciate the risque picture. Thankfully, it seems he hasn’t scared Harry away. Spurred on by a mix of relief and adrenaline, Louis responds. 

**NailedByLouis:** Maybe next time you should be here to help me clean up ;)

As the message is sent, he sets his phone down to wash his hands. The sticky residue and blue food dye is unpleasant and he’d rather not get the frosting all over his phone. Excitement courses through him as his phone immediately buzzes. Louis dries his hands on a towel before picking up his phone again.

 **HarrySizzles:** You can’t cook and you can’t clean. Is there anything you are good at?

There are so many ways Louis could respond to his question. Does he play it safe with a joke about his ineptitude at everything kitchen-related, or should he grasp the opportunity to see how far this conversation might go? He’s not usually one for sexting, especially with a stranger. 

But is Harry truly a stranger? They’ve been messaging every day for two weeks and they did just share selfies on Instagram. Louis would be lying if he said he hadn’t stared at the image of Harry holding out a cupcake. Despite Harry being slightly out of focus, it was still clear to Louis that Harry is fit. And just his type. It would be a shame to waste such an opportunity to flirt with an attractive guy. Louis goes for it.

 **NailedByLouis:** I may not be useful in the kitchen, but I’m great in the bedroom 

Louis’ heart races in his chest as he waits. A series of messages come through just moments later. He barely finishes reading one before the next appears.

 **HarrySizzles:** I see how it is.  
**HarrySizzles:** You set up your account to lure chefs like me into your bed in exchange for food.  
**HarrySizzles:** I guess that could be arranged. I could help you cook a meal if you want.  
**HarrySizzles:** And I wouldn’t mind being nailed by Louis after dinner either ;)

A high-pitched screech escapes Louis as he reads the last message. And he’d been worried that his selfie might have been too suggestive! Heat pools in his stomach as he considers Harry’s suggestion. Despite the impulse to immediately invite Harry into his bed, Louis plays coy. 

**NailedByLouis:** I have high standards you know. Are you sure your cooking would be up to the test?

Before their racy conversation can accelerate further, Harry naturally segues the discussion back to food.

 **HarrySizzles:** Of course my cooking would be up to your test. I can make almost anything. What are your favorite foods?

The sudden change in topic hits him like a cold shower. It’s better this way, Louis tries to convince himself. After all, he doesn’t really know Harry, after only two weeks of messaging. He adjusts his semi in his pants before deciding to follow Harry’s lead and answer his decidedly unsexy question.

It’s not until Louis showers before bed that he allows himself to think about the messages. Under the stream of warm water, his hands wander as thoughts of Harry sucking sweet blue frosting off of Louis’ fingers cloud his mind. Only after he shuts off the water does he admit that he needs Harry in his kitchen and in his bed. The sooner the better.

* * *

It’s been a week since they posted the cupcake selfies. They’ve messaged each other every day since then, but Harry has not brought up his offer to help Louis in the kitchen. He also hasn’t brought up the frosting pic or sent anything remotely flirtatious since and Louis is second-guessing the entire exchange. Was Harry uncomfortable with the flirty messages? Did he change his mind? Or was Harry joking the whole time?

Despite the uncertainty, Louis is yearning to meet Harry. In the few weeks of messaging, they’ve shared favorite movies and ideal vacations, talked about their families, and even discussed their dreams for the future. Along the way, they’d discovered that they both live in Manchester and were around the same age. They could become real friends, and if it all works out, maybe something more. 

And now that he knows what Harry looks like, he can’t stop thinking of him. His days are filled with imagining Harry in his kitchen, by his side as they go out on a date, or cuddled on the couch at night. Louis hopes for something more. 

So, when the notification of a new HarrySizzles post lights up Louis’ screen, he knows this is his chance to make a move. He is going to set up an opening for Harry to offer his help. Hopefully Harry will take the bait. 

Louis messages Harry as he attempts to make the rolled meatloaf dish featured in Harry’s post. He protests that Harry is once again torturing him with unnecessarily complex dishes. His rants devolve into frazzled key smashes as the meatloaf disintegrates into an unappealing blob in the pan. He spares no detail in documenting the monstrosity through pictures. 

Through all of this, Harry’s messages are supportive but unhelpful, as usual. Which works well for Louis’ plan. Louis takes one final shot of the overcooked, crumbly meatloaf and sends it to Harry. 

**NailedByLouis:** It probably would have turned out better if I had some advice...

It’s the perfect opening for Harry to suggest helping Louis again. Louis begins cleaning up the dirty dishes and spoons strewn across his counter as he waits for Harry to respond. Unfortunately, Harry’s response is the furthest thing from what Louis had hoped for. 

**HarrySizzles:** You could always get lessons from a youtube channel

Louis lets out an exasperated groan. Is Harry purposefully dodging this because he doesn’t want to meet Louis or does he really not realize what Louis is hinting at? His hands shake as he types out something more direct. 

**NailedByLouis:** I’d rather get lessons from the source. Maybe you could come over and teach me?

He deletes and retypes the message twice as the fear of being turned down wrestles with the desire to meet Harry. But finally, he settles on the message, holds his breath, and presses send.

 **HarrySizzles:** I’d love to!

* * *

“Can you set a timer for 25 minutes, Lou?” Harry says as he closes the oven door.

The moniker catches Louis off guard, but he enjoys the fondness of a new nickname. It feels natural after only two hours of working elbow-to-elbow with Harry in his small kitchen. 

Harry hadn’t wasted any time settling in. He took over the space and made it his own as he started unpacking his reusable grocery bag. Louis was in awe of the way he moved fluidly between the sink and stove top and back again. Louis’ kitchen was seeing more action today than it has since he moved in. 

Louis listened attentively to Harry’s slow drawl and cautious enthusiasm as he described his meal planning process. Harry described in detail how he settled on a chicken wrapped in parma ham stuffed with mozzarella. Then he explained how he picked sides to compliment the main dish and chose a wine to pair with the chicken. 

It was more detail than Louis needed. If any of his friends dared to give such a long, round-about answer he’d make fun of them. But he found that Harry’s deep, warm voice is easy to listen to.

Harry is even better in person that in his DMs. Louis enjoyed their time in the kitchen together. The time passed quickly as Harry showed him how to do each of the steps to prepare the main course. He is a very attentive teacher and Louis is optimistic that this meal might actually turn out edible.

“Timer set!” Louis waves his phone’s display, showing large numbers counting down until the chicken will be done. “What now?”

“Are you ready for dessert?” Harry asks.

“Before dinner?”

“No, just cooking it before. That way they’ll be ready and cooled when we finish dinner.” Harry starts clearing space on the counter and unpacking another bag of ingredients.

“All right. What are we making?”

“I thought I’d go easy on you,” Harry jokes. “I know dinner was a lot of new stuff, so I thought chocolate chip cookies would be perfect.” 

“Sounds great. I’ve made them a few times with my sisters.” Louis feels his confidence rise. At least dessert isn’t going to be a complex whipped mousse or some shit. He can handle a batch of biscuits. 

“We can get the dough ready and put them in the oven when the chicken is done. Then they’ll be done baking by the time the chicken has rested. Come on, let’s get started!”

Louis finds it cute how excited Harry is about something as simple as biscuits. Come to think of it, he finds a lot about Harry to be cute.

Starting the biscuit dough goes well enough as they measure out the sugar and butter into the bowl. That is until Louis measures out the flour and dumps it directly into the mixing bowl.

“Lou!” Harry groans.

“What? Did I measure wrong?” Louis consults the recipe, frowning at the recipe card.

“No, but the flour is supposed to be added after we cream the butter and sugar together.” Harry explains calmly.

Louis is confused. “Isn’t it faster to combine all the ingredients and then mix them?” 

“Faster yes, but it is better to do it right.”

“It is all the same dough in the end.”

“You’ve got to follow the recipe,” Harry chuckles as he grabs the bowl and attempts to transfer the erroneous flour into a new bowl.

“Maybe your recipe is wrong.” 

This sets Harry off on an impassioned rant about baking principles. “It’s one of the basics of baking. You need to properly cream the butter and sugar. Then, you can incorporate dry slowly to form a proper dough. It improves the texture and structure of the biscuit.”

Louis is intrigued by Harry’s fervent defense and he cannot resist pushing his buttons to rile him up.

“I still don’t think it matters when you add the flour,” Louis smirks. He reaches a hand out and swipes a small handful of flour from the bowl and playfully tosses it at Harry.

Harry’s shocked face is comical, eyes wide and mouth opened. Louis doubles over, wheezing with laughter. 

“Oh my god.” Harry pulls his sweater away from his chest to see where the soft green fabric is sprinkled with white. “You’re gonna pay for this.” Harry dips his hand into the bowl of flour and lunges for Louis.

Louis dodges his reach, rushing around the center island. They’re both cackling loudly and taunting each other. Louis can’t remember the last time he’d had this much fun with another person. They dash round the kitchen in circles, chasing each other and tossing fistfuls of flour. 

Harry, with his long limbs, nearly catches Louis a couple times. Louis thinks quick, reaching for anything to defend himself. There’s a carton of eggs ready for the taking. 

Harry freezes on the opposite side of the counter as Louis’ hand closes around the egg. Harry sounds sure when he says, “You would not.” 

Louis takes off, running toward Harry and preparing to toss the egg. His kitchen is already a disaster, what’s one more egg. But before he can smash the egg, Harry whips around and grabs his wrists. He spins them around and pins Louis against the counter.

Harry holds Louis’ wrists tightly against his heaving chest. Louis stills with his mouth parted slightly. Louis’ first thought is that they are so close. He watches Harry’s throat bob as he swallows.

Louis’ second thought is that he will not lose this food fight. He attempts to pull away from the bind of Harry’s fingers. In the struggle, the fragile egg slips from his grasp and lands with a splat on the floor.

Harry’s grip tightens and he steps in closer, trapping Louis against the counter with his entire body. Louis hears the sharp intake of breath as Harry’s thigh brushes his.

Louis stares into Harry’s darkening eyes. Harry tongue wets his lip. Suddenly, it’s too much. Louis knows he’s done for. He’ll end the food fight now if it means he can have Harry.

“Can I kiss you?” Louis asks. In place of an answer, Harry kisses him. He leans in and catches Louis’ parted lips in a heated kiss. Harry drops Louis’ hands, opting instead to hold his waist and pull him flush against his body. Louis moves his free hands to Harry’s hair, threading the soft curls through his fingers and deepening the kiss. 

They get lost in the desperate press of lips and the sinful slide of tongues. Harry slots his thigh between Louis’. Louis grinds down, chasing the needed friction on his erection. As Harry licks into the heat of his mouth, Louis tugs on Harry’s curls. The sharpness of it pulls a whine from Harry.

He wants to hear all of Harry’s sounds. Louis can’t wait any longer. 

Louis breaks from the kiss, intent on moving them to his bedroom. Before Louis can step away, Harry presses his hands to Louis’ waist, holding him firmly in place against the counter. Louis wonders if the pressure of his fingers is enough to leave bruises. He shivers at the thought.

“What are you doing?” Louis asks, looking into Harry’s eyes.

“What do you think?” Harry bites at his plump lower lip coyly. He slides down the length of Louis’ body to his knees. He looks up through his lashes as his hand slips beneath the waistband of Louis’ joggers.

“Oh,” Louis gasps. Harry palms him over the material of his pants. Louis’ hips stutter forward, chasing the pressure after Harry removes his hand. Before he can complain, Harry pulls down Louis’ pants to free his erection. It is flushed red and a bit of precome pools at the tip. 

“But, I thought you wanted to be ‘nailed by Louis’.” Louis stutters out as he feels Harry’s warm breath against his cock.

“Another time. I can’t wait,” Harry says before he wraps his hand around Louis’ cock. His lips stretch obscenely as he sinks down, taking half his length at once. Warmth surrounds Louis and he knows he won’t last long as Harry’s fist pumps the base of his cock with sure strokes. 

He struggles to hold himself upright as Harry tongue dips into his slit, sending a current of pleasure through him. Louis throws his head back. His moan echoes through the small kitchen as his head thumps the cupboard behind him. 

At the sound of his head hitting the cupboard door, Harry pauses glancing up to check on Louis.

“‘M okay.” Louis assures him. Louis drags his fingers through Harry’s curls to urge him on. The  
Harry’s eyelashes flutter closed as he sinks back down, this time taking his full length. 

“Shit.” Louis’ hips jerk forward, bumping the back of Harry’s throat. Harry moans and his mouth falls slack. Louis hesitates, but Harry’s hand on his hip encourages his first slow thrust. It feels so good and Louis begins chasing his own pleasure. He rocks into the heat of Harry’s mouth, careening toward his release. 

“I’m close,” Louis huffs out. His eyes fall shut as his orgasm courses through him. He spills into Harry’s slack mouth. The last few drops trickle down his chin when Harry leans back. Harry wipes at the spilled come with the pad of his thumb, licking it clean. It is filthy and wondrous. Louis can’t look away. 

Ready to return the favor, Louis pulls Harry up from the floor. But when he palms Harry through his pants, he feels a wetness. Harry groans at the brush of Louis’ hand, oversensitive as his cock softens in his pants. 

“You came?”

“Of course.” Harry kisses as the tender spot beneath Louis’ ear. 

“God, that’s hot.” Louis pulls him into a kiss, tasting himself on Harry’s tongue. He’d be content to stand in the kitchen, kissing Harry for the rest of the night. 

That is, until the beep of the timer on Louis’ phone startles both of them apart. 

Harry pecks him once more on the lips before tending to the oven. He reaches for the pot holders and removes the chicken from the oven. Louis leans back against the counter and assesses the damage. 

The chicken may be done, but the cookies are barely more than a lump of butter and some sugar in a bowl. There are more ingredients on the floor than in the mixing bowl. With only one lesson from Harry so far, Louis is still a nightmare in the kitchen.

“Hey, Lou, do you want a picture of your successful meal for Instagram before we eat?”

“Yeah, we should document this momentous occasion. The one time Louis actually cooked. even though you did most of the work.” Louis laughs at his own self-depreciation.

Louis snaps a picture of the meal and uploads the photo to NailedByLouis. Louis never could have imagined that documenting all his food fails on Instagram would have led to this. And while he might not be able to nail any the recipes on HarrySizzles, he would happily settle for the man that writes them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! [Here](https://haztobegood.tumblr.com/post/616159597236027392/haztobegood-nailed-by-louis-by-haztobegood-it) is a rebloggable post for the fic.


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